The guilt monster comes for most of us. For some, it’s a hulk like weight squashing you from behind before embedding itself between your ribs. It curdles a milky white or is it blue scream which rings broken brass springs from your guts to your throat. Or perhaps it’s a water monster, riding the waves, leaving you for a short time before coming back a wave of immoveable lethargy, deadening the light and crunching your bones. For others, it is cordless hydro light that deafens you with its snaky simplicity and ease. And for others still, it’s an insipid slow crawl sucking the warmth from every smile.
So what do we have to be guilty for?
For leaving plugs on, for turning away from God, for having cravings for KFC when you are drunk and then sometimes indulging in those cravings, for eating a piece of cheese called Edith, for ALL the digital noise, for plug sockets again, for having long showers, for flying to ecology conferences, for not giving a fuck if you don’t like my art, for flying Emirates to Qatar to perform, for pursuing a career that doesn’t want to be pursued, for relying on family, friends and lovers to support me in pursuing a career that doesn’t want to be pursued, for practising voice every day, for not practising yoga every day, for not finishing projects I start, for eating meat when I said I wouldn’t, for having coffee with sugar, for leaving my sister when she was sick so sick to pursue a career that doesn’t want to be pursued but maybe it did, for never having any money, for having discriminating thoughts, for not being able to save the planet, for being discriminated, for not being a better human, for not being able to let go, for not being able to hold on, for having this blog, for wasting my breath, for not saying the truth always, for smiling when I don’t mean it, for not believing in love, for believing in love Ok, I believe in it again, that sucked momentarily.
The 6 points to obliterating your personal breed of guilt monster.
1. Recognise the kind of guilt you have and its purpose…
2. Accept you did something wrong and move on (or tell it/them to get fucked)
3. Learn from your behaviour (one thing at a time yo)
4. Perfection doesn’t exist in anyone.
5. Get over it. Don’t indulge.
If you are an actor, and the little monsters start to play up, ACT your way out of it. Don the wig, hammer in hand, adjust the vocal range to reflect a resonant and authoritative quality, bang that table hard. NOT GUILTY. NOT GUILTY. NOT GUILTY until the little drippings are all dead.
(Some of the above monsters have kindly been donated from members of the Culture and Ecology Network)